Should you? And would that be help?
That is, most certainly, the first thing to figure out. You see - with some people, it is low self esteem indeed. With others, the exact same outward behavior might rather be just a personality trait. The whole concept of "fixing another person", or "changing them" - or even helping out without being asked (let's assume, for now, the other one did not ask you for your help) - is a very interesting one, and we certainly need to talk more about it.
Basically, you can not change a person for your own sake. You can also not help someone in something they are not trying to do, nor you can fix a person, too. Just because you think they should act differently, must change, or will do much better if they just (insert your own line here); it does not mean it is necessarily true - and even if, in the overall concept of things, it makes some sense, you, again, can not, and should not directly try to change someone's behavior.
But he/she is so shy and he/she will do a grand much better if this behavior is changed!
I feel your pain. It is, indeed, killing on the inside, sometimes, when we see someone else doing something and we truly believe within ourselves that they need to change. And they don't. But this is us, not them! So, OK, what to do?
1.Speak out.
Talk to the person. But really - and remember - talking is a two-way process. It's not like you go on to them and tell them how much they need to change, and how much better they will do once they switch their behavior. Not at all. The only thing that you can do is approach them carefully, find a good moment to talk, and let them know you think they would to better if they make some changes. And then listen!
2.Work with them, not instead of them
Yep, that is correct. After you talk, they will either share that they, indeed, would love to become more confident (they might break down and cry too); or they will, rather, tell you that this is in fact their vision of life, and they feel good when they don't confront others, don't make themselves noticed all the time, and in general, they feel good while being the quite type, conforming, and nice to everyone, or silent when they are confronted from someone else.
3.Go from there
Whatever they share with you (after you listen), just go from there.
If they do realize they are shy and do want to become more confident - help them. Let them try bit by bit, go out together and try some small experiments. Approach strangers, or when in a group, help them to start speaking, point them to some great articles to read, or even practice just the two of you - go through imaginary situations, give them ideas as of how they should respond in certain cases, and again, practice and help them to start trying it out in public. Let them know that it won't work every time, as it does not for any of use, but in general, it might feel great to be more confident.
If they, rather, don't want to be "helped", nor want to change - don't argue. You can only tell them that you understand them very well, value their point of view and see how they can be right. After you say this and mean it, you can proceed to tell them that you think they might still benefit a bit from becoming a bit more open and vibrant in their communication - but don't forget to say that you think that and not that you "know it's true". In other words, don't force your opinion - but rather, explore the topic together with them.
Because, helping someone to become more confident doesn't necessarily mean forcing it upon them. Instead, it's mostly the seed that matters. If you talk them into the general idea and the idea starts growing within them, then you've helped them much more than any convincing will do. As then they will "catch their own fish". They will actually do to work on their own, and will even ask you for help or advice - where you will be really heard, and will be much more able to feed your opinion into a listening ear.
So, go speak with them. And never forget - listen to them too.
Good luck.
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